This last week I have found that I just want to hide more and more. I have attempted to do as much work as I can from our room since it is less likely to get a knock on the door, but of course people still find me. Its not a horrible thing to be needed, its just there isn't much escape from everything when we live in the hospital. There is no separation between work and home.
There are always people that need something or things that break. For example, today the water filtration system went out because there was too much silt in the water from the heavy amounts of rain that we received. Because of that we don't have any drinking water. We just busted out our back-up water system and I think it will be ok. However when we were setting up the water system we got word that water was leaking into one of the circuit breakers by the OR and one of our nurses had gotten shocked. Fortunately Ken, our volunteer maintenance man, found the leak and it should be ok for the time being.
Some things are big things, some are little but over time the constant questions and problems all seem to add up. I know its horrible (and I don't always feel this way) but just this last little bit it has come to the point where I walk as quickly as I can between rooms in hopes that people may not see me. There seems to be no escape and no quiet place just to get away to think. The closest place that I have found is the roof of the hospital, but when its pouring rain with thunder and lightning its not the best place to be.
Wishing that I had a secret hiding place, like when I was a kid, reminds me of the Psalm that talks about God being our hiding place. Its comforting because I definitely need that peaceful spot.
Here are the lyrics to a song referencing Psalm 37:2 and God being the hiding place.
You are my hiding place,
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
I will trust in You.
Let the weak say I am strong in the strength of my Lord.
I think that I would change some of the words just a little to better fit our current situation. Instead of "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you," I would write "Whenever I am afraid, overwhelmed, tired, and uncertain (along with any other emotion I may face during the day), I will trust in You."
Thank you God, that you are willing and eager to be a secure hiding place for us!