Beauty in the Mess

Irony

2011-12-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

It can be quite startling and often disturbing (as it should be) when you get a glimpse of the monster in the mirror. This “monster” may be bitterness, anger, irritation, pride, resentment… and the list can go on and on, but whatever it is, it seems to come from a deep hidden part of the heart that is deceptively concealed behind all the nice and pleasant characteristics and then presents itself in an unexpected moment.

Over the last year and a half it seems like I have faced this monster more than I would like to admit, more than the rest of my life put together. Feelings that I didn’t know I could harbor have surfaced. Feelings that are normally attributed to violent people crop up making me reconsider who I really am and causes me to wonder what damage I am actually capable carrying out.

As I have come to serve people specifically here in Haiti for this time period of my life I have realized that I am not as kind of a person that I thought I was. I am not as loving or giving as I could be. I am not nearly as quick to serve as I should be when I am faced with someone else’s comfort over my own. I am not as gentle or sincere as is necessary to connect with others. We came to Haiti to make a difference and to help people, but I have found that I am faced with a dilemma. I don’t love people the way I should.

A couple days ago I was faced with this reality on a more personal level, and it hurt to see how callous I can be. A few months back I had employed a few teenage boys to help pick up trash around the hospital and do some grunt work for a couple days. Most of them worked half-heartedly and showed up late, so I tried to teach them some work ethic since most of them had probably never done much work in their lives. I had given my phone number to one of the boys, Ezekiel, who worked every day and he would randomly call to see if I had any work for him.

A few days ago Ezekiel called me again. I didn’t pick up the phone as there are several of the boys that call several times a week and I just couldn’t be bothered by them at the moment. It took too much effort to try and understand them over the phone and so I just ignored it. Besides, I was busy. I was in the middle of a project that I have been putting off for months--putting a slideshow together to raise awareness about the needs of the hospital and all it’s hurting people. In fact, I had just typed into the google search bar “songs that talk about people in need” to go along with the picture presentation when Ezekiel called for about the 5^th time. I finally answered simply so he would stop calling and cryptically answered “bonjour.”

He only speaks creole but I was able to make out from his pitiful tone and a few words here and there that he was hungry. I felt bad, but practically everyone is hungry here. Just because he calls doesn’t mean that I need to respond, or does it? I honestly didn’t want to give him money and all the food that I had needed to be cooked so I just wanted to say that I couldn’t help him, but I could if I stopped what I was doing. If I really wanted to I could take 5 minutes out of my day and find something for him. Then the irony hit me. Here I was trying to put together a presentation for people in America to get them to help, and here I was with a young boy right in front of me that I was about ready to brush off simply because I couldn’t be bothered.

I found a coupon for him to get bread at the market and ended up finding 50 gourdes (just over $1) so he could buy a lunch. I was still annoyed at this point, although now the annoyance was equally distributed between being bothered about being interrupted and annoyed at my heartless attitude. Through it all even though I knew it was probably the right thing to do, I didn’t just automatically react in love. Even after I decided I would help him I didn’t spontaneously have love bubbling out of me. Even when I gave him the small gift it took everything I had to try and be understanding and take the extra time to connect with him, rather than rushing to give it to him and move on.

I ended up helping him, but it was probably more out of a guilty conscious than genuine love and well-being for his health. I know that I can’t give food and money to every single person that needs it, but no matter what happens or who I encounter I want my first reaction to be love. I realized how heartless I can be to someone in need, and I didn’t like my reaction. I also realized that I can’t just muster love up. I can pretend, but to have the genuine thing…that is a gift. A gift that truly only comes from God, because God is Love. I want that love. I need that love to transform my life.

Thankfully God promises to give us this gift of love and to remove our stony heart and replace it with his lovely Spirit. Thanks be to God! There is hope!

“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”

Ezekiel 36:25-26

Notice another irony: the text is found in the book of Ezekiel.

-Amy

More Farewells

2011-12-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

The end of the year is fast approaching, and that means that it is time to start saying more good-byes. Our most recent farewells took place on Dec 1 when we had to send J’mo Dickie, our prosthetist for the last year, to the airport to catch his plane home to New Zealand (via a few days stop in California).

I can’t do Jamieson justice by trying to describe him, but in short he is a man that doesn’t fit the mold, but in being that way he is able to touch lives in a real and genuine way. He comes across as gruff and a bit crass and doesn’t beat around the bush, but it doesn’t take long to see his deep love for people and his commitment to serving them and making their life better. Through J’mo I have learned the importance of sincerity, honesty, and service.

Jamieson asked to do worship the day he left, and by the end I think he had brought tears to most of our eyes. He ended his talk by handing out a special gift to each one of us that I will treasure always. It was a soda cap with a safety pin stuck through it so that he could pin the cap to our shirt. If you have seen the cartoon “Up” you will understand its significance immediately. I guess that means that us long-term volunteers are now part of a club. A club that I am proud to be apart of.

-Amy

Left to Right: ZJ, Emily, Lynn, J'mo, Brittany, Nathan,
Amy and Brian (if you look closely you can see we
are all wearing our new badge with pride).

J'mo and Me and my soda cap pin

Ile-a-Vache

2011-11-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

This year for Thanksgiving we actually got to take a little break for several days in a row! For the first time in nearly 1 ½ years since we have been in Haiti all of us long-term volunteers were all able to go on a little trip together over a long weekend. We didn’t have any other short-term volunteers coming in and so all 9 of us were able to take a 4 day excursion to Ile-a-Vache, or Cow Island.

It was about a 4 hour drive on the treacherous roads of Haiti and 20 minute boat ride to this beautiful little island, but it was certainly worth it. Upon arrival we were shown our little bungalows on the beach and immediately were able to start relaxing. It was a rustic little place that was just a step up from camping, but that’s all we needed. We weren’t at the hospital so that is all that mattered. We were surrounded by fresh air, crashing waves, clean space, and peace!

Even though the main reason we were able to take this little vacation was because of Thanksgiving, it was also kind of like our last hurrah before many of our long-term volunteers leave. It was a nice opportunity to be together outside of the work environment and just connect with each other in a different way before life takes us all in different directions and places. We may cross paths again, or we might not, but not matter what, each one of these wonderful volunteers have left a lasting impact on my heart and life. They have been family to us for this last year and so they will always be apart of our lives.

-Amy

Our bungalows on the beach

Lynn and Amy at Abaka Bay

Left to right: Lynn, J'mo, Nathan, Marc, and Brian

Laundry day! Things seemed much more clean and
organized on this island. Houses even had lawns!

Hiking through the island, there are no cars!

Relaxing in the perfectly clear water

Early Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

Since we will not have an opportunity to have Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving, we had an early feast this weekend. It is amazing the creations you can come up with making a full Thanksgiving meal using a toaster over, a prosthetic oven, some electric pots, and a little electric burner. With a team working together I'd say it turned out to be a grand success!

Just a few things we are thankful for:
* A new generator that works
* Clean drinking water
* A sheltered place to sleep
* Plumbing
* An awesome team of volunteers
* Friendships
* Supportive family
* People who sent us Thanksgiving treats so that we could have pumpkin bread and pie
* Our crazy cat
* All the long term volunteers get to go on a long weekend get-away this weekend to Ile-a-Vache
* And of course a God who cares for us better than we can ever know!

-Amy

Uncertainty

2011-11-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Today was a sad day. A day of change and uncertainty as we said good-bye to Terry and Jeannie Dietrich. They served whole-heartedly for the year that they were here and it was great having them here. Now we will have to find a way to move on and continue the orthopedic program even without them. They will still be back for a few weeks here and there, but currently we don’t have a long-term replacement for Dr. Dietrich, which is disconcerting. There may be an orthopedic surgeon that might be able to come down, but as of right now there is a lot of unknowns about how it will all work.

The orthopedic program is not the only place that is going through changes. The rehab center will be seeing a lot of change in the next few months, in the prosthetic lab we are going to be having to say good-bye to J’mo, our medical director is moving away, and also more good-byes will be happening at the end of the year as ZJ and Lynn and Brittany will all be moving on. There is a lot of changes and a lot of unknowns as the hospital tries to continue on. There are high hopes that things will thrive but at the same time wondering how that will happen on a practical level. Please keep everything in your prayers through this time of change.

-Amy

Another Water Story

2011-11-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

Loved being able to wear the headphones and hear the
remarks back and forth between Joe and the
air traffic control towers. A lot goes on behind
the scenes when you fly!

Since there again has been a big gap in updating our blog regularly I wanted to share a little experience that happened to us a couple months ago. Since our last post was on water, I thought I should continue on that theme and reinforce the importance of water.

In Aug we had a surprise trip back to Florida because our pilot friend, Joe, had a couple extra seats on his little plane. We jumped at the opportunity to get some much needed rest and were eager to spend some time with Joe. It was pretty awesome getting to ride in his plane as it had totally been redone since the last time we got to fly with him (he and his family were on Home Makeover and part of the makeover was outfitting his airplane so that he can continue his mission work in Haiti and other places).

Part of our trip back to the States was even apart of one of his relief missions. At this time the Bahamas had been hit hard by Hurricane Irene and Joe had just received a call from Cat Island saying that they were almost completely out of fresh water and could he help? Of course he said "yes" and so part of our route home took us to the Bahamas to drop off 2 emergency water purifier systems that was able to provide enough clean drinking water for the entire island! Water definitely is a necessity!

It was really awesome being able to be apart of this trip, not only because we really got to help some people in a very practical way, but we also got to spend the night on Harbor Island! We weren't supposed to, but by the time Joe had explained how to use the water purifier system a storm had rolled in and it wasn't safe to continue on to Florida. I was half hoping that would happen as I had never been to the Bahamas. It was beautiful in spite of the damage. Some places were hit really hard by the hurricane and there were trees bent over all around, but it was still beautiful. Especially being able to walk out onto the Pink Beach and just soak in the peace and calm! We stayed the night at one of Joe's friend's house which was only a couple blocks away from one of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen. Nathan and I walked out onto the spongy ground up choral pink beach and we literally felt our burdens slip off our shoulders. What an amazing gift!

-Amy

Perfect quote by the controls of the airplane!

Joe demonstrating how to use the water system that he invented.

Finally! I quiet moment just to think...or not think at all!

Not normally a big fan of pink...but I'll take a pinkish beach!

Ahh!

Carefree moment on the beautiful pink beach!

Life’s Little Annoyances Turned into a Blessing

2011-11-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

In our little room/house we have an air-conditioning unit that sometimes blows semi-cool air. Not only does it work less than perfect, when it is on it constantly drips water. Sometimes it might just be a little drip and other times we have our very own in house waterfall. Consequently we have to keep a large bucket in front of the door so that we don’t end up with a flood in our room. This of course is an annoyance because it not only splashes water everywhere but since we have to keep the bucket right in front of the door it can make it very cumbersome to try to walk in and out. More often then not when we forget and quickly open the door water tends to splash everywhere.

One good thing about our waterfall is that our spoiled little cat only will drink fresh or moving water, and so instead of having to constantly refill her water dish she now simply drinks out of the constant supply of moving water. I thought this was really the only blessing from our water leak, but today I found another reason to be thankful for it. After an early morning work-out session I ran back to the room to get ready for morning meeting and was about ready to jump in the shower when Nathan reminded me that the electricity was out…thus no water. This happens fairly regularly and normally isn’t a problem, however I forgot to fill up our back up shower bucket so that we could have water on hand for such an occasion as this. There were maybe about 3 cups of water in the bottom of the bucket. I figured I would do the best I could, but I was completely drenched in sweat so figured I might have a difficult time. Then I remembered our bucket of water from the air-conditioning unit. There was plenty in there to get rinsed off! No, it wasn’t the cleanest water, but it would sure be better than smelling like I was.

You can’t beat the feeling of scrubbing off the grime and filth and getting clean, especially when there was a chance that it wasn’t going to happen. I did not relish the thought of spending the first part of the day entrenched in my own stench. It reminded me to be thankful for our little waterfall that is often so annoying, but it also reminded me to be thankful for water in general. Something so basic is so often taken for granted.

There of course is also a spiritual illustration in all this too. How important it is for us to not take for granted the cleansing water of the Holy Spirit that God wants to give us each day so that we can be clean and pure rather than emitting our own natural stench. We need the fresh flood of clean water every day (or all the time) otherwise we will be walking around all day in our own toxic odor, which we may have become accustomed to, but for those around us it can be quite suffocating. Naturally we stink, so we need a good daily washing (or scrubbing)!

-Amy

Meet The Team!

2011-06-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

ZJ helps out wherever he is most needed.
In this instance he was needed to
help build shelving for our storage rooms!
Thank you ZJ!!!

Its about time to introduce the other wonderful group of volunteers that we are working with. Since we first got here a year ago (can’t believe it has already been that long) there were just a few of us long termers—our name for people who are here for 3 mo to a year. Now there is about 12 of us living, working, eating, and do practically everything together at the hospital…and yes, we are still living in the hospital.

In no particular order here is our team as follows:

ZJ Charles-Marcel—Doctor ZJ comes to us from Mexico and is doing his “year of service” after medical school here at HAH. We are blessed to have him here and definitely believe that he will be a fine ortho surgeon one day.

Brian Harmon—Architect from OR who has been here since Sept and was only going to be here through Nov 2010, but looks like we get him until Nov 2011! He is working on lots of designs and building projects, including housing for the volunteers!

Brian and his buddies!

Lynn, Mack--education translator, and Marc

Lynn Byers—RN who came in Sept and was only going to be here until March 2011, but like Brian she has extended her stay until the end of 2011! It’s a good thing she is still here because she is the link between the foreign volunteers and the local Haitian nurses. She helps to coordinate all the ortho surgeries amongst a variety of other duties. She has done an amazing job of learning Creole in the time that she has been here and can get by for the most part without a translator.

Marc Julmisse—Program Coordinator for HAH. She has her hands full with all the staff education that is taking place and will take place in the future. She has committed to being here for a year, but we are hoping that like Lynn and Brian she will extend that to an even longer commitment. She is definitely needed as we find ways to make improvements to patient care at HAH. When she is not doing staff education she is busy saving babies in the limited NICU.

From Left to right: Marc, Audra (visiting pediatrician), Lynn
Brian, Azaria (visiting student volunteer), Terry, Jeannie, Amy

Jeannie and Terry Dietrich—they came to us from WI in Nov 2010 and will be here through Nov 2011. Terry is an orthopedic surgeon who has been kept busy with all the orthopedic cases that have not had the opportunity for orthopedic care before now. Jeannie is an RN and helps hold the OR together. She works tirelessly making sure that everything is all set in the OR for the ortho cases. She is also a great cook of banana bread!

Jamieson Dickie—or J’mo as people call him here, is a prosthetist from New Zealand. He arrived here the first week in January and will be here through the end of this year. He adds spice to life at the hospital with his humor and pranks!

Brittany Blair—Brittany also arrived in Jan and will be here through the end of the year. She is a graduate from Andrews in Clinical Lab Sciences. She is a great asset to the team since the Lab is an area that very much needs to be updated. She has been working diligently on providing staff training and searching for new ways to improve the lab.

Randy and Sherrie Tall—Randy is an electrician and is now the new head of maintenance for HAH. With some of the crazy electrical work that has gone on here before, Randy is definitely kept busy making sure things run properly. Sherrie is not actually here for the summer as she is working back in the states for a few months, but she might be able to come back in the fall. When she was here from Jan-April she spent most of her time sorting and sorting supplies!

Alex Miller—newest addition to the team. Arrived this week and will be here for a few months working with architecture designs with Brian.

Amy and Nathan

Nathan and Amy (that is us)—Nathan is the assistant administrator at HAH and is a bridge between the local administration and other foreign organizations that are looking for ways to get involved in helping the hospital. He is kept extremely busy trying to fix all the problems that come up from day to day. I am the volunteer coordinator for people who want to volunteer at the hospital. I also randomly do odd jobs around the hospital as well—like sorting boxes and boxes of supplies. At this point we have filled our 1 year commitment, but we are still here and will be here at least through the end of 2011.

We also have 2 incoming volunteers that will arrive in July.

Francel Alexis—He is a Haitian orthopedic surgeon that is finishing up some training with CURE in the Dominican Republic. We are fortunate that he will be joining us for 3-6 mo and will be able to help support the orthopedic program.

Emily Rivas—PT graduate from Loma Linda University and will be working in conjunction with the hospital and the Adventist University next door to help coordinate the rehab at the hospital and the future education program for rehab.

Even though they are no longer here, I can’t in good conscious leave out the long termers who have already served here and are now serving in other places in the world. If you are one of these 4 people reading this, know that you are appreciated and missed.

David Harris— Currently in Rad Tech school, was here from April-Aug 2010 working in supply and filling in as needed. David’s cheerful spirit and song leader qualities are greatly missed.

Scott Nelson—1^st Orthopedic surgeon in Haiti after the earthquake. He spent 5 months as the volunteer medical director and spearheaded the orthopedic program at HAH. He continues to be involved with HAH and visits with ortho teams about every 3 months.

Brooke Beck—An RN who arrived on the scene about a month after the earthquake and worked tirelessly and wholeheartedly at HAH until the end of Aug 2010.

Jessica Scott—RN who worked here from July-Dec 2010 coordinating all volunteer medical staff. For most of the time she was here we did not have a long term orthopedic surgeon on staff so she did a great job orienting the new medical teams that came in each week. She helped to fill a very difficult gap when we didn’t have very many long term volunteers.

-Amy

Earthquake Jitters

2011-06-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

On Friday there was an earthquake that most people felt at the hospital. Fortunately it was not very large (I think it was a 3.5) but by the commotion it created you would have thought it was rather large. Seconds after it started the whole hospital seemed to be in a panic as people started exiting the building. There was lots of frantic chatter and commotion. After about 15 minutes life resumed as normal and had quieted down, but it goes to show how traumatized the whole country is, and rightfully so. Evidently 1 person died at the time of this earthquake, not directly from the quake but because he jumped off of a building in fear that it would collapse. There were also reports of people getting hurt from being trampled on as groups of other people tried to all frantically exit buildings at the same time. The traumatic experiences that everyone has gone through here is hard to fathom. I can't even begin to imagine what types of memories are haunting people from day to day.

-Amy

Paperweights and Power

2011-06-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

It is about time that I starting blogging again!!! It has been way too long! To start off with I'll post an entry that I wrote down from April 21, 2011.

I was musing to myself that since the power is down right now that there isn’t a whole lot of work that I can do at the moment. I have a lot of work to get caught up on prepping volunteers to come, but without electricity there is no Internet and therefor I can’t communicate with them. I decided I would make some food, but it still requires electricity to cook it so then I figured that I might as well start doing our laundry and washing our dishes that have piled up in our sink (ie bathtub). I went over, turned on the water faucet and only a couple drops of water sputtered out. For a brief second I’d forgotten that when the electricity goes out we no longer have running water in the hospital, so all my plans at being productive have been foiled again. Everything I need to accomplish has been thwarted all because there is no electricity. I feel essentially handicapped.

As I have been sitting here contemplating what to do next I decided to take the forced calmness of the day to spend some time in Bible study. That is when it hit me, or I should say that God used the opportunity to get a point across to me. Which is, without being connected to God’s power there really isn’t a whole lot I can do either. I have heard this before growing up and thought I understood the concept, but this time I feel like the point connected and had more force and application. Without God’s power I am a blank computer screen that can’t connect to the Internet, a water faucet without water, my light won’t turn on and I am blank. I need the constant flow of His “electrical power” in my life in order to function and in order to be useful. Without him I am empty and meaningless. Without Him I am handicapped and all my efforts to do anything become thwarted.

Just as a computer becomes pointless without power, so when I am disconnected from God I loose my whole purpose for existence. Essentially I become a powerless computer that has simply turned into a large paperweight sitting on the desk, looking nice and fancy and being perceived as important, but not anywhere near being used in the capacity it was created for. Just as teams of computer engineers have spent numerous hours creating, designing, and programing a machine to do a variety of amazing functions, God has created each one of us for something remarkable; but if the computer (or us) is never plugged into the power source it has very limited use. I can’t imagine how sad—no, heartbroken—God must be when He, the creator of our intricate parts and pieces, looks down at His masterpiece and sees that all we have chosen to be is a paperweight when He knows that he has made us to be something grand if we were just plugged into Him—the only true power source.

So it is up to me to choose if I want to be a mere paperweight or a functioning work of art. Oh how I long to be living in the way God intended! I want to be so much more than a pretty piece of machinery that only looks nice on the outside but that is actually dead on the inside. I want to work and be used for the purpose God made me for—whatever it might be!

-Amy

Close Call

2011-02-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Driving and walking on the streets of PaP can be quite risky at times. There really don't seem to be much of any rules and you always have to be quick on your toes. While walking to church yesterday I was reminded that you can't ever let your guard down. We were walking on the side walk right next to the entrance to the SDA University when a pick-up truck decided to start backing up rather quickly. Nathan jumped out of the way by going in front of the vehicle and I jumped up on a ledge that had the university wall behind me. I figured that the driver would stop before hitting the wall, but he wasn't even looking behind him as he shot backwards and so I got pinned between the truck and the wall. Eveyone was screaming at the driver but it wasn't until Nathan starting beating on the hood of the truck that he finally stopped. Fortunately the only damage done was a bruise on one knee and a trembling heart.

It may have been a small thing, but it was a good reminder to not take any moment for granted. Life is special and it is only by the grace of God that we are all here.

"The unfailing love of the LORD never ends!
By His mercies we are kept from complete destruction.
Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself,
"The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!"
Lamentations 3:22-24

-Amy

Glimmer of Hope

2011-01-30T14:54:00.000-08:00

Taking a drive through Port-au-Prince can be quite depressing when you see how many people are living in tents or make shift shelters. Now that it is a year after the earthquake many of these temporary shelters are disintergrating, covered in dust, and are torn. The camps are cramped, they have to share latrines (if they have them) and water isn't always the easiest to get to. It is common to see people bathing from buckets in front of their shelters, on the street, or in some polluted stream. They are doing the best that they can. For the most part I have been amazed at how clean people keep themselves and their clothing considering the living conditions.

Even though there are still so many people living in this horrible situation, every now and then we see an improvement in an area of the city and its exciting. One area where there has been a vast change is just down the street from the hospital. In a previous post I had mentioned a group of people living in the median of one of the main roads. Well...there whole community has moved!!! ADRA built about 180 wooden shelters for this community and was able to move them to their new homes on the beach on Jan 13! What an amazing celebration it was. Our friends from ADRA said it was so rewarding to see the excitement on people's faces when they were shown their new home. Now each time I pass that section of road where these people used to live I just can help but rejoice!

Another cause for rejoicing is that Spendi, one of our local doctors here, has finally been able to move into a house! She has been living in a tent outside of the ER for the last year. On Friday when I was walking down the ramp I immediately saw that there was an empty spot where her tent had been. I about jumped up and down in the hallway! I was so happy and excited to see that one of our very hard working doctors has finally been able to find a home!

There is still hope for something better. When I am about to fall into despair I just have to focus on all the good that has already happened, even if it often does seems slow in coming.

-Amy

Reflections from January 12

2011-01-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

I won't even pretend like I understand what everyone experienced 1 year ago today. The earthquake that hit Haiti on Jan 12 changed everyone's life here in some way. It is estimated that a quarter million people died. Many people lost thier families and friends. Everyone suffered loss in some way. I simply can't comprehend the terror and emotional pain that people experienced and are still experiencing. Life goes on but there are scars. Visible scars on people from where rubble fell on them, scars on the land where there is demolished homes...and then the invisible scars on people's hearts where they carry the pain of lost loved ones, lost homes, lost security.

Thinking back to that fatal day, I want to share a story of about how the earthquake affected one of my freinds here. It is what I shared in November at the Loma Linda University chapel that featured Haiti. This story is about Mackenson, one of the translators that works tirelessly at the hospital. He is dedicated to his work and is always happy to help out wherever he can. I hadn’t ever talked with him about his experience during the earthquake until just a little while ago. His story explains why he is so dedicated and serves his community so unselfishly.

On Jan 12 Mackenson was at his university. The university he attended was the oldest university in PAP and on that day it was a special celebration for the school. It was the anniversary of its opening over 100 years ago and so there were lots of programs and special events planned for the day. He was in the auditorium with 500 other students right before the earthquake hit. Then someone called him out to help them with some homework. He decided to go and help the person. Only one hour after he left the auditorium the earthquake hit and the walls of the auditorium collapsed. Of those 500 students only 8 made it out.

When Mack told this story there was a fervent look in his eyes with deep emotion. He stated over and over again. “I was in that auditorium and I should have died. But for some reason I am here and I owe my life to God. I have a second chance at life and so everything I do I want to give it back to God.” He said he wants to prove his devotion for God, not because he is trying to work his way to heaven or anything, but he says words can only say so much and states, “I want to show the world that I love God because He has given me a new life.”

Mackenson’s story is an example to me of how I should live my life-how I want to live my life. Just as Mackenson knows without a shadow of a doubt that every breath he takes is a gift, we too have been given a gift of a new life but it is our choice of how we are going to live it. We are all destined to die at some point—this world is going to cave in just like those wall in the auditorium did, but through Jesus we can have a second chance at life. I think one of the ways I see Mack living his life is instead of seeing how he can fit God into his own plans, I see him living for God in everything he does by adjusting his life to God. It is a beautiful testament to me about how a person can take a bad situation and turn it into something good.

-Amy

Mixed Emotions

2011-01-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

(My thoughts from Jan 10 as I traveled back to Haiti)

Sitting here in the LA airport waiting to catch the red-eye flight back to Haiti I am bombarded with emotions--uncertaintly mostly. Do I really want to go back (at this point...no)? What am I really doing there that is making a difference? Do I have enough love to really touch people's lives? Can I be effective? I feel so small for such huge problems that never seem to have answers or a solution.

Everything about sitting in this ariport is a total contrast to the life in Haiti. We left Haiti in a rush right before Christmas due to the political unrest. I won't go into the detail about the whole situation, but it was absolutely mentally draining more than anything. I honestly don't know that I am mentally prepared to go back. There is such mixed emotions that I don't know how I am going to react once I get there. Part of me is happy at the thought of seeing people there, but at the same time the main feeling is an overwhelming sense of dread.

Landing in PAP, being jostled by people who I don't understand, feeling unsure in a foreign land, arriving at the hospital where many people will want to talk to me all at once...makes me just want to hide. I don't like feeling this way. To say it makes me feel like a bad person or that I can't handle it, but I would be lying to say that everything is perfect there and that I am thrilled to be heading back. I really want to make a difference, but looking at all the areas that need help in Haiti it makes me wonder what I can really do? There is devestation on so many levels that it can feel so overwhelming and almost useless. I don't feel like I have genuine love for the people or the situation. I am not the "super Christian" who has it all together. So that brings me to the unsettling question of why am I in Haiti? What do I have to offer. I am young and have so much to learn. I guess it becomes all the more evident that I can't "fix" Haiti. It is all really beyond me. So maybe I should take my focus off of trying to make things perfect and just be available for the people I come in contact with every day. But then how do I Really do that? I don't feel qualified for any of this. But due to that fact it certainly has brouht me to my knees, pleading with God to give me His love and to humble my heart before him because I am recognizing more each day that the ONLY way that we can truely make a difference is through God's incredible strength and help. I can grunt and groan and try to do things all myself, but it doesn't change the fact that I simply can't do it on my own. I don't understand it completely, but because of the pain and suffering I see in Haiti it makes me more dependent on God for strength and wisdom, which I so badly need. And now more than ever I just want Jesus to come and make this old world new. Just think...He has promised to wipe away every tear! I want that now!!!

I don't know what the future holds and I don't know the real reasons why we may be in Haiti. But I do know that God has a plan and I want to be apart of it.

-Amy

Lock Down Again

2010-12-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

Around the 28th of November we were on lock down in the hospital compound, now we are again due to the election results being announced last night. To say the least people are upset and there is potential for some major problems. There is no clear winner since nobody got over 50% of the votes so there will be another election in Jan for the 2 people with the most votes. People are unhappy with the announcement of the 2 leading candidates because it definitely looks like there is fraud. There are going to be problems as long as the current president's candidate gets through. It seems like people don't really care who goes on to win, as long as its not Preval's candidate.

The sky is filled with smoke as people have been burning tires in different places. The airport is closed for at least the next 2 days and the hospital is pretty quiet since most people are not wanting to brave the streets to come out to the hospital. Most of the translators could not make it in today or have left early so that they are not caught in any unwanted chaos. We will see how this afternoon goes because we may be short staffed on the nursing front if the evening shift is not able to come in to work.

We will keep you updated on everything, but please continue to keep the whole situation here in your prayers. Haiti definitely needs the help, direction, and peace that only God can bring.

-Amy

Thanksgiving

2010-12-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Smiling Pretty before Thanksgiving dinner.
Starting from front left is Jessica, Me, Marc, Brian, Sam, Sarah, Terry,
Jeannie, Lynn, Audra, Junior, Azariah

In my last post on my rundown of what happened during November I forgot to mention some of the good things that have happened as well. Of course there was Thanksgiving and we actually took the afternoon off in order to celebrate. At that time we only had long term volunteers (about 11 of us) and so it was a little bit quieter and relaxing. I had the opportunity to try out my cooking skills by making pumpkin pancakes for all of us for breakfast and they seemd to be a hit. It gave us a little flavor of fall time in spite of it being 90 degrees.

For our Thanksgiving meal we transformed the hallway into a dining room and made it look as festive as possible. When Nathan and I last came back from the States we packed our suitcases full of Thanksgiving goodies. The TSA people were amused when they found all these canned goods in our luggage and had to run it through the x-ray machine a couple time, but it was worth it. It was quite the group effort to make a whole Thanksgiving meal on 3 hot plates. Although, since the prosthetics lab wasn't being used we were able to use their oven that bakes the prosthetics and instead baked our stuffing, green bean casserole, and sweet yams in it. It worked out well and they didn't even turn out tasting like plastic! It was quite a treat to have all of us sitting around a table at one time and able to enjoy some quiet and fellowship together. It was certainly something to be thankful for. We finished off the day with cherry pie (also made in the prosthetics oven) and games. Perfect!
A week before Thanksgiving Jeannie and Terry Dietrich arrived at the hospital. Terry is an orthopedic surgeon and Jeannie is a nurse and they have committed to being here for the next year. We are thankful for their willing hearts to continue to help out here. It will be nice to have a long term orthopedic surgeon here who will be able to bring continuity to the ortho program instead of having to train in new people each week. We will still be having a few volunteers come, but having a couple long term volunteers in the OR will really help things run more smoothly. Certainly another thing to be thankful for.

There are many things to be thankful for, but I was reminded of it more as I walked down the street today. I went down the road to buy some fresh produce and Mac (one of our faithful translators) took me and Lynn (one of our long term RN's) down some alleys and across some crowded, dirtly living areas to where people were eagerly hoping to sell their goods. This market was right next to the community that lives in the middle of the main road in PAP. Its actually a community of people that have built their shelters in the median of one of the busiest roads in the city. The median is only about 6 feet across and it is lined with shelters made of tin and whatever else they could find. Most of these "houses" are about 6 ft by 5 ft or so. I stood in the middle of the median and was amazed that people would even dream of building there because large trucks and buses were rushing buy honking their horns and causing dust to fly through the air caking everything with a greyish dirt. But for many people that is their home and it has been for some time. Evidently these people were living there even before the earthquake. It boggles my mind, especially when I saw someone who lived there had a little 2 year old playing 6 inches from the road. Obviously they had nowhere else to go so that is how they ended up there. I can't even imagine what living like that is like. I have no reason to complain about my sturdy room (even if it is inside the hospital still) because its 4 times the size of so many people's house. It certainly makes me appreciate what I have so much more and shows that I don't often need all the things that I think I do.

Digging in!

-Amy

Where did November go?

2010-12-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, it is already December and I never even posted a single thing in November. Here is a quick rundown of November. In the beginning of the month we had Hurricane Thomas, then we started seeing cholera patients at the hospital, ending the month with the presidential elections. Throw in all the regular daily crisis and you get a pretty busy month...which is not too out of the ordinary for Haiti. We keep thinking that there couldn't possibly be more hardship, but then the next thing comes up. You never know what to expect and our hearts just cry out for relief for the people of Haiti. Through it all they are strong and resilient, but it makes me wonder how much more they can really take.

Fortunately Hurricane Thomas didn't do as much damage as it could have. Yes, it certainly caused damage with flooding and some strong winds, but where we were at we just got a bunch of rain. It was earily quiet when Thomas was supposed to hit because we kept waiting for the strong winds, but it was still. Towns just a few miles to the west as well as the tip of Haiti sustained some damage, but we were ok. I truely believe that God kept moving the storm farther and farther west so that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. At one point it was projected to hit around Jacmel, but the eye of the storm went right between Cuba and Haiti. What a blessing.

In case your interested here is a picture to see how close it was to us.

As soon as cholera cases were confirmed in Haiti, we knew it would only be a matter of time before we would start seeing patients at the hospital. They started coming around the second week in November. Since Nathan and I were out the country when our first cases came, Marc Julmeisse (one of our long term nurses) did an amzing job of helping to set up the cholera tent. At one point it was incredibly stressful for her because a patient at deaths door arrived at the tent and soon passed away. This brought on the difficulty of finding out how to dispose of the body since everyone in the area is terrified of anything having to do with cholera. The hospital staff took the body to the cemetery but word must have gone out that they were burying a cholera body and were chased out of the cemetary with rocks. Nobody was able to give direction on what to do with the body and so after hours of frustrating conversations with different people our medical director was ready to drop the body off on the mayors front door. Finally it was resolved amid much frustration and chaos.

Currently our cholera tent has between 5-20 patients, but we are more of a transitional treatment center for them to receive care until they can be transferred to a cholera treatment center (CTC) that is better equipped. However things have the potential of changing if the CTC gets too full and are unable to receive more patients, then I am sure we will start treating more patients. It has been projected that the worst of it will start hitting around the middle of December. I guess we will find out soon if things don't change quick and it doesn't seem like the help is going to be coming from the government. Nathan went to a health cluster meeting where the current president was in a forum and some cholera experts were saying that Haiti's water system needed to be fixed, but President Preval kind of skipped around the statement implying they simply couldn't fix the water because 60% of people in Haiti didn't have clean water and so it would just be too much for them to fix. He seemed to want to just treat the disease rather than preventing more people from getting cholera. If the root problem isn't fixed its only going to get worse and happen again. Nathan obviously came away from that meeting depressed and upset.

Talking about politics and government, the elecetions were this past Sunday but really don't know where everything stands with that. There was so much fraud that people are trying to throw that election out. Even with a new president in power it doesn't seem like anything will change for the better, but we can still hope. For the past 5 days we have been in a "lock down" at the hospital because we haven't known how much violence and demonstrations there could be. Fortunately we haven't had any truama patients and things have been rather quiet here, but out in the city we have heard different reports. Some of the translators said it was pretty bad by their houses and some of the polling stations. Every single translator that I talked to said they were not going to vote either because they felt like it was too dangerous to go to the polling station or they felt like it was going to be useless to vote. Nathan was getting between 10-20 secerity alerts and so he was determined to keep us all inside the hospital property. Now it looks like it is ok to venture out, but still being very careful. We will just have to take it one day at a time.

All in all, we are safe and God is taking care of us no matter what happens.

-Amy

The Wall

2010-11-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

I hit it. The wall that is. Both literally and figuratively. Luckily, the literal part was just hitting the wall and not punching it or I would probably need our visiting orthopedic surgeon to look at a broken wrist or something.

I just got back from watching another baby die after life saving efforts that just weren’t enough. The staff all did a great job but it just wasn’t enough. I guess it took an experience harkening back to my day in Tchad working in a rural 45 bed hospital with one doctor and few supplies to remind me of the absolute frustration in not being able to save someone because of something as simple enough as having the supplies or personnel you need. We have some supplies in great excess (please don’t send anymore rubbing alcohol, crutches, or breast implants). Others, like micro tubing for peds suction is nearly absent. Staff we have too. Most of them don’t have the training they need to respond to this kind of situation. Most of the really qualified doctors and nurses are working with the international NGOs who can pay way more than we can. So what do we do? Bring in trainers and look for better ways to equip our staff, giving them the knowledge and physical resources they need to do their jobs. And that seems to be where I come back in to the equation.

My role here in Haiti is greatly different from that in Africa. In Africa, I was the one doing hands on medical care, bagging neonates, transfusing malaria babies with hemoglobin’s of 2, and being an extra set of hands on an emergency cesarean section because there was no one else around. Here in Haiti, I don’t even take anyone’s temperature. (If we do get slammed by cholera, I’m sure some of this may need to change). Here, I’m the one trying to make sure that all my doctors and nurses have what they need to do their job. And we don’t have it. Not by a long shot. And it’s driving me nuts. Sure, we were already running lean, but this week and over the over the next month or so, two MSF clinics and the German Red Cross are all shutting down. We’re getting referrals from places we didn’t know existed a few weeks ago. Our peds unit is overflowing and still reeks of urine and BO from before you even enter its doors. The suction machine is easily 40 years old and for some reason we still have trouble getting oxygen and all the parts that go with it. To top it off, because of foreign promises that still haven’t come through and because of culture and tradition, we still have a person designated as “key holder” who has to let us in to anything of value. Today that was simply opening the door for the ramp so I could wheel some oxygen to peds. When seconds count, I don’t have time to go looking for a key from a person I can’t seem to find half the time.

So where do we go? Well, even though it still makes me literally sick when I think about this newborn’s eyes rolling back in his head after the decision is made to stop intervening, I really think I needed to see this happen first hand. It happens multiple times a week already and I hear about it from all the medical staff and see how crushing it is for them and many of them are at the end of what they can endure. I didn’t realize how much this all could be avoided or at least given a huge shot in the arm. We need more stuff…

Please read the rest.

We don’t just need “stuff”. We have plenty of “stuff” (I wasn’t kidding earlier about the breast implants). We need basic equipment. We need steady supply chains of the same meds and materials (preferably in a language someone here can read). We need more storage areas. We need more space. We need more staff. We need better-trained staff. We need housing. We need more money to pay our staff and buy the oxygen that costs so much every week. We need more money for . We need more money.

And at the end of it all and before it all we need more God. God has blessed this place is so many ways that I can’t begin to describe. There are so many amazing plans for this place for the future but the current situation is so bleak sometimes. Some things never seem to change. I need to be reminded daily that “God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting”. It pains me to surrender my life to God that way. I so badly want to just “do” something. But really, if I did it all, I would be taking God’s job away from Him. Plus, we were never created to bear all this sinful world has to offer. He knows that and is why he asks to lay all these burdens on Him. If I truly hand everything over to Him, I will be able to do my job better because it will be Him directing me and not me trying to do everything. And even though I can rarely find the time to slow down long enough to admit this, it really is a great comfort to realize that the God who spoke the universe into existence is still here in Haiti and wants only the best for all of his children.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Jesus, Book of Matthew, 11:28-30.

-Nathan

Heartbreak

2010-10-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day since we arrived that I had an overwhelming desire to adopt a little girl. Coming down here I knew that there would be many kids with needs, but I told myself that I couldn't let myself get attached to any kids because there is so much need. Up until this point the thought has been far from my mind. Then I held a little girl in my arms today and my heart simply exploded. It was so unexpected that I didn't know what to do. This sweet girls daddy came to us with tears streaming down his face and in anguish because he doesn't know how he is going to take care of her. He can't find work and he can hardly take care of himself, let alone be responsible for a child.

I think what made this situation hit me so hard was at the same moment that this scenario was going on we were in the process of saying goodbye to one of our return volunteers who had decided to adopt a wonderful little boy. I looked over as they were getting into the car and saw the excitement and happiness. Hope was all over their faces. Then I look over at this little girl and her dad and see the turmoil and despair. Its just not fare.

-Amy-

Therepy Session

2010-10-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a little therepy is just what you need in order to keep sane. It is amazing how a little time removed from the constant hub-bub while interacting with some furry friend can bring a little bit of normalcy back into existence. Soon after Jessica came somebody brought her this frightened little kitty. She has been named Mianah, but Nathan just calls her Snickelfritz and it just fits because she is such a spaz. She is kind of like a dog in that she follows us around and comes when we call her. She is actually really fun to have around and truely therepy for us. I can definitely see why there are different programs that train animals to help with sick people. She has certainly brought smiles to our faces on many occasions.

-Amy-

We found these kittens back in July and didn't know what
happened to them. But it is obvious that the white one is her.

Bassin Bleu

2010-10-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

Its been a couple months since we took our little excursion to Bassin-Bleu in Jacmel, but I still wanted to write about it. This was our second trip outside of Port-au-Prince and it was great to get out of the city and cross some mountains to a new area. It took us about 2 hours or so to get there.

Once we arrived at Jacmel it took us a little while to find Bassin-Bleu (the blue bassin), but with the help of a local we were able to find it. We went through some back roads, crossed a big river that looked like it was too deep to cross, and then we kept going further and further into the country and up in the mountains to where we found a little village. This village was in the middle of nowhere, but there was actually even a little gift shop of sorts. It seemed rather out of place, but this little village gets some income off of it.

Walking through the trees and out in nature was so refreshing. It was so good to get out of the city and even get a little much needed exercise. Arriving at the water we soon saw that the river was true to its name and really is blue. It was neat seeing the contrast of the blue water against all the green foliage. We even got to jump from some rocks into the water, but 1 jump was enough for me because it actually was a really long ways. I had to do it because once I had climbed up the rocks there wasn't really another way down, so I did it, but don't really have to ever do it again. Swimming around in the water was good enough for me. It was absolutely wonderful being surrounded by nature again. Being out in God's creation really is soothing for the soul.

-Amy-

A Hatian Wedding

2010-10-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

This last Saturday, Jeanty, one of our translators got married. We were not sure what to expect and since there were several of us going from the hospital we didn't want to be late and cause a commotion. Well, we certainly did not have to worry about that. We arrived when it was supposed to start at 2:30, but it actually didn't really begin until 3:30, and even then, the church was only have full because people just kind of trickled in over the next hour or two.

I started to see why people were not super concerned about arriving when it started because it kept going and going. It was beautiful, but certainly not short. It was a good thing that the bridal party had special seats that they were able to sit at during most of the service. There was singing, then preaching, then more singing by one choral group after another. Most of the music was very beautiful (minus one group of ladies that just kept singing verse after verse that seemed never ending). I really enjoyed all the other choral groups, and even the bride and groom sang in several different songs.

Some things that I found interesting was that the bridal party was announced as they walked in, there were several junior brides, and people crowded around the couple during the middle of the ceremony to get pictures of them. Also, Jeanty had us sit up close to where the ceremony was. For awhile we were the only people sitting there until people arrived part way through the ceremony.

I wish that I could have understood more of what was actually said during the ceremony. I got bits and pieces here and there, but I am curious about what was actually said. Maybe one day I will be able to understand Creole better.

-Amy-

The proud groom

Jessica, Jean Kelly, Brooke, and Albert

They played the accordion!

Me, Brooke Beck, and Jessic Scott. Probably one of the only times
that you will see all three of us dressed up and wearing make-up.

Hiding Place

2010-10-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

This last week I have found that I just want to hide more and more. I have attempted to do as much work as I can from our room since it is less likely to get a knock on the door, but of course people still find me. Its not a horrible thing to be needed, its just there isn't much escape from everything when we live in the hospital. There is no separation between work and home.

There are always people that need something or things that break. For example, today the water filtration system went out because there was too much silt in the water from the heavy amounts of rain that we received. Because of that we don't have any drinking water. We just busted out our back-up water system and I think it will be ok. However when we were setting up the water system we got word that water was leaking into one of the circuit breakers by the OR and one of our nurses had gotten shocked. Fortunately Ken, our volunteer maintenance man, found the leak and it should be ok for the time being.

Some things are big things, some are little but over time the constant questions and problems all seem to add up. I know its horrible (and I don't always feel this way) but just this last little bit it has come to the point where I walk as quickly as I can between rooms in hopes that people may not see me. There seems to be no escape and no quiet place just to get away to think. The closest place that I have found is the roof of the hospital, but when its pouring rain with thunder and lightning its not the best place to be.

Wishing that I had a secret hiding place, like when I was a kid, reminds me of the Psalm that talks about God being our hiding place. Its comforting because I definitely need that peaceful spot.

Here are the lyrics to a song referencing Psalm 37:2 and God being the hiding place.

You are my hiding place,
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
I will trust in You.
Let the weak say I am strong in the strength of my Lord.

I think that I would change some of the words just a little to better fit our current situation. Instead of "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you," I would write "Whenever I am afraid, overwhelmed, tired, and uncertain (along with any other emotion I may face during the day), I will trust in You."

Thank you God, that you are willing and eager to be a secure hiding place for us!

-Amy-

The Beds Arrive!

2010-10-17T17:02:00.000-07:00

Finally! The shipment container full of 44 beds arrived a couple weeks ago. Up until now patients have been sleeping on army cots. It was quite a momentous occassion for Nathan because he has spent the last 3 months trying to get the beds out of port. He jumped over one hurdle after another trying to get them released. The process was quite tedious and certainly not straight forward. Everyone seemed to be waiting on paperwork from someone else. Finally Nathan thought that he had every piece of paperwork signed and went back in to find out why they weren't released and the guy at the desk handed him another piece of paper stating that they had changed 1 word on the other copy that he had already got signed, so he would have to go back and get everyone's signature again! Of course Nathan was more than ticked, but he had to do it anyway.

No wonder the rebuilding process here in Haiti is going so slow. There are valuable things just waiting in port to get to people in need, yet they just sit there. The longer they sit there, the more storage fees are acrued, so of course the port won't release them if they can get more money out of the deal.

What a mess it all is! It makes me realize more and more every day just how bad this world can be. Now more than ever I see why God sent a flood and why He will have to start over again. Not to be negative about everything, but this world can't be fixed. We can make it a little better here and there and make a difference for people that we interact with, but this whole world is a mess. Sin is completely destructive and its effects are devestating. The universe has concrete evidence that life apart from God ultimately leads to death.

Thank God that we have hope for the future. I saw a rainbow the other day and was reminded that God is faithful and that He will come through on His promises in spite of whatever circumstances we face. I think a good text that is a reminder of that is Revelation 21:1-5.

"Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth

for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away,
And there was no more sea.

Then I, John, saw the holy city, the New Jerusalem,

Coming down out of heaven from God,

prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice saying,

Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men,

and He will dwell with them, and they shall be

His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;

there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.

There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

Then He who sat on the throne said,

"Behold, I make all things new."

-Amy-

Tranquility

2010-10-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

At least for the first 6 weeks after we moved to Haiti in June we did not see anything outside of Port-au-Prince. In all honesty we hardly set foot outside of the hospital compound (and still don't often get out much) because there is so much to keep us busy right where we are at. I was beginning to wonder if there was any beauty left in Haiti until we were able to take our first big venture out of the city to Wahoo Bay. A friend of ours, Phil Hudson from CURE, had credit at a hotel a couple hours away and kindly offered to let us stay there. It was life-saving! We hadn't had a break in 6 weeks, literally working through most weekends and for the most part puting in over 12 hour days. No, we weren't doing surgeries, but there is always something going on that needs to be taken care of and it had certainly started to take its toll on us.

It was amazing, as soon as we were in the car away from people and questions I started to be able to relax just a little. Then as we started driving through the city farther away from the hospital seeing new parts of the city, I relaxed a little more. As we passed through the city and the countryside opened up I suddenly felt like I could finally breath normal again. It was as if I had been holding my breath for the last few weeks and was finally able to let it all out and take in a full invigorating breath. The open space, untainted land, and quiet countryside was so inviting. We were driving into a dream that just kept getting better.

When we arrived at the hotel I was spellbound by the beauty of the countryside and ocean. I finally was able to see for myself that there is plenty of Beauty left in Haiti. In a span of about 3 hours after arriving at Wahoo Bay we had taken a nap, eaten some fries, and splashed around in the crystal clear water and were totally relaxed. Those moments were absolutely priceless. Not that we would have wanted to leave after only 3 hours, but we realized that if that had been all the time that we were able to spend, it would have been worth the drive.

It just seemed so unreal. Plus God had a special surprise for us. After the evening rain and the beautiful sunset that it caused, we enjoyed the stillness as the sun disapeared over the ocean. Once it had turned dark and we were getting about ready to leave we saw something shining in the water...then we saw more and more. They were bioluminescent jellyfish that were coming into this rocky area near the shore. There were dozens of them and it was fascinating to watch them move. It was so fun to experience that the next evening we made it a point to go out at the same time and see if they would come out again. And they did at exactly the same time. They were very punctual jellyfish. I have never seen anything like that so I felt very blessed to experience it.

Our time there was short but wonderful. Having the time to step back and get away always helps to refocus and bring life back into perspective again.

-Amy-

Arial View

2010-10-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago a pilot friend of ours, Joe Hurston, stopped by and when we found out that he had two extra seats in his little plane to fly back to Florida for the weekend, we jumped on the offer. Joe has been flying back and forth to Haiti for years. Every now and then when he comes over he brings us little goodies from the States, like lettuce, grapes, and even some peaches. It is such a treat! I never thought that I would miss vegetables so much but often I just crave a big crisp salad.

Flying in a little plane over Haiti was such a neat experience. Like all things in life its great to see things from a new perspective. Being able to fly low over Port-au-Prince and the countryside definitely helped us see the bigger picture.

-Amy-

Some tent cities are organized, orthers are certainly more haphazard. The first picture of the spread out tent city is further into the country where there is more space. In the city, space is definitely limited to the point that some people have taken to building their shelters in the mediun of the road with the crzy traffic jostling by on either side of their "house."

13 Month Anniversary

2010-10-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

I never got a chance to post about our 1st anniversary, so I will now on our 13 month annviersary. I never thought that we would be celebrating our first anniversary in Haiti, but it is the Caribbean, so I can say that we were on an island just to celebrate. We actually did get to take a little break from work and Nathan surprised me by taking me out to dinner all the way across town. He even found some tropical flowers to give me. It was the first time that I dressed up and actually wore make-up, so some of the translators were surprised that it was me. They thought I was someone visiting from another place.

It was wonderful to get away. As soon as we stepped in to the restaurant it was as if we had been transported to a different country. There was a nice calm atmosphere, with a garden, fountain and outside eating area. It was amazing and the food was tasty. It was actually a Mediterranean restaurant as well, so we were delighted to have a different variety of food. I found it amusing that were ordered Mediterranean food in French and were eating it in Haiti.

It is amazing what a little time away can do for our sanity. Nathan did an excellent job of surprising me with such a beautiful place.

-Amy-

Our waiter found out that it was our first anniversay,
so he surprised us with this tasty creation!

Familiar Faces

2010-10-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Volunteers come and go, patients come and go, but not all can leave right away. There are patients that have been at the hospital for months. Others are discharged but may return with bad infections. Then there are still others that just stay because they don’t have a home or family to go to.

A few of our long termers got to go home over the last few weeks. Mia, a happy little girl that had to have her leg amputated after an NGO car ran into her, was here when we arrived in June and got to go home in Sept. I hardly ever remember her being upset. She always had a smile on her face as she hopped around the hospital. I could often hear her calling to me “madame Nathan” from way down the hall.

Miranda also got to finally go home a couple weeks ago. As far as I know she had been here at least since April, maybe even before. Seven months is a long time to be in the hospital. She kept getting infections in her leg, but seems to be doing good now. She had a little harder time than Mia even though she was lucky enough to keep her leg. When we first got here she would scream late into the night until Brooke (one of the long term nurses who is now working across town but held this place together for months) went in and had a heart to heart talk with her. She wasn’t necessarily in pain, just anxious about her leg and I am sure other things. But after Brooke said something to the effect of, “at least you are able to still have your leg, Mia wasn’t as fortunate” then she quieted down from then on. It seems like one of the greatest fears that many patients have is that they will have to have an amputation.

Andre did some crafts with volunteers
that put on a program for kids

Andre hasn’t been quite as fortunate. He also has been here since we arrived, but doesn’t really have a place to go. Evidently the only family he has is abusive and so not a safe place for him to be. We don’t know what to do, and so he just sleeps here at the hospital…but he can’t do that forever. There doesn’t seem like a whole lot of options for him, at least not at this time.

Another person that we don’t know what to do with is a baby David and his mom. They have been sleeping in a tent at the hospital, but now that the hospital is trying to move people off of the grounds, she has nowhere to go. She is a teenage mother that was sent away from home because she had a baby. She wants to give David up for adoption, but all the orphanages are full. It’s a complicated situation for many reasons. It just makes me realize that I certainly don’t have the answers to know how to help her.

Baby David and his mom

Like so many times during the day I feel at a loss to know what is the best solution for so many people or situations that arise during the day. Need is so great everywhere that it can be overwhelming to know how to deal with it on a daily basis. Several times a day people ask us for stuff or money or to sponsor their kid to go to school, but we simply can’t and I hate having to tell them no. Whether this is good or bad, I feel like I’m becoming numb to it so that it doesn’t hurt as bad when people cry out for help and there seems to be nothing that I can do.

-Amy-

Miranda getting a dressing change

Nathan and Mia right before
she left the hospital.

Treasured Trash-Reflections from Sorting Supplies in July

2010-10-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

In the Basement, it was a dank and dreary place.

My job for the week was to sort supplies…boxes and boxes of supplies which were stashed in all corners and crevices of the hospital. Fortunately I did not have to tackle this alone. With the help of the wonderful SIMS team from Loma Linda, Kenny-a premed student who helped out for several weeks, David Harris (who unfortunately has had to go back to school now, but was a great person to have around) and the local staff we got a lot done. Most of the boxes that we sorted contained disaster relief supplies ranging from medical supplies to personal hygiene items, tents, and flashlights. Then there were the many other random pieces of old medical equipment, outdated computers, and mangled beds. Unfortunately all these boxes and old equipment were intermingled in a heap reaching almost to the ceiling in many parts of the storage room making it impossible to get to anything. It was an absolute mess and very overwhelming; however, our clean-up crew soon found that if you just focus on one box at a time eventually a cleared area would start to appear. It was a long and tedious process because in these boxes we normally found a random assortment of band-aids, hydrogen peroxide, gauze and anything else you can imagine. So it was our job to sort out the contents of the boxes and put like items together so that we could at least have an idea of what supplies we had.

It was about the 3rd day of sorting supplies in a dingy storeroom, without lights and certainly no air conditioning, with sweat literally flowing off of my forehead that I started to get sick of all this extra stuff in the storeroom. I just wanted to throw everything away. There were so many random things, a lot of it that was just old machinery that was only good for scrap metal at this point, yet for some reason the hospital was very unwilling to let it go. I thought to myself more than once, if only the local staff could see that this stuff is junk and that by holding onto it they are creating clutter and making it difficult to organize the good supplies that we do need to keep. We even told them that we had good supplies waiting to be sent to the hospital from the US but in order to make room for the new supplies the old had to go. It is physically impossible to have both the new and the old at the same time. It seemed like the hospital staff would rather hold onto what they knew they had even if they couldn’t use it and just let it rust in storage and take up valuable space, rather than trust that something better would arrive if they would just be willing to let the junk go.

In my mind the solution was so obvious and at times I was flabbergasted at the slow progress. Then the overwhelming thought hit me-- my heart is just like this dingy storage shed. There certainly are some valuable supplies in it, but there is also A LOT of things that I am treasuring that really are junk and by holding onto them I am hurting myself. God is offering me some of his beautiful gifts and I can just hear Him saying, “If you just let Me clean up this stuff I have some amazing gifts that I want to fill your heart and life with, just trust me.” Unfortunately it seems that more often than not I would rather hold on to my trash because it is familiar to me, rather than trusting that God has something special for me.

I know that often when people think of the dark dingy parts of their hearts they think of the sins that nobody knows about. When I think about God cleaning up our heart I definitely agree that He wants to purify us completely, but I think he also wants to take the baggage of fear, anxiety, lack of peace, distrust, and sorrow out of our lives as well and replace that type of junk with the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, patience etc. It’s a way bigger heart overhaul than just the secret sins in our lives. God wants to give us an abundant life. It is not just about cleaning up our past, but it’s also about daily living joyfully in Jesus. Sometimes it can be hard to have that joy if we have the foul odor of trash permeating all parts of our hearts and cluttering up our life.

A good Bible text that comes to mind is Ezekial 36:26 which states, “And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart.” With this verse in mind there are a couple lessons that can be applied to the analogy of the shed and my heart. First of all the shed can’t clean out itself, someone else has to do it for it. In the same way, I can try all I want to physically remove the junk out of my heart but I simply can’t because I can’t do heart surgery on myself. What I can do is give God the ok to work in my heart so that He can change me. But this whole process boils down to trust. Do I really truly trust that God is going to take care of me? Do I trust that he does have my best interest in mind, or do I cling to my clutter of what I can see, even if it is junk and harmful to me, instead of allowing Him to take out the bad and bring in the new?

From an outside perspective it is obvious that the junk needs to be removed, but I just pray that I am not so attached and comfortable with it that I’ll stubbornly hold onto it when God is anxiously waiting to clean up the mess and show me how to truly live. I want to trust him with every “box” in my life and be able to wholeheartedly say like David said in Psalm 31:14, “I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, ‘You are my God.’ My future is in Your hands.”

Here are pictures of the different parts of the hospital that we began to organize.

The Red Container, full of relief supplies that have not been touched since the earthquake.

David quickly moving boxes as fast as he can. This room was filled to the roof full of random boxes. But it wasn't just this room, it was this whole building (the aids clinic).

Claudy and me taking a moment to rest after a long day of working in the basement. We had to be careful cause there was mold, mice, and wild cats down here.

Jeanty, one of the translators, helping take supplies from the external storage to the hospital. This building was crammed pack full of mice eaten food, old beds and equipment, and everything else you can imagine.

Julie and the assembly line taking boxes out of the aids clinic.

The pharmacie. SIMS helped get that place whipped into shape.

The spiral stairwell was yet another area where boxes were stashed. It was cleared for awhile, but now more boxes have been put there. So sad.

The tent storage area-yet another secret hiding place for stuff.

And finally, the little closet that was absolutely stuffed full. It was amazing pulling things out of here becuase it just kept on coming. It was like a puzzle trying to get everything out, and when it was removed it was stuff that had probably been stowed in there from when it was first built. We saw some very rustic looking polio braces and other odd things.

-Amy-

A Picture of Home

2010-10-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

Thinking about this being home, here are some pictures of our cozy abode. It is funny how my perspective of what a house and home means to me now after living in a hospital room. Right after we got married we moved into a tiny apartment, perfect for a first little place. When we were there we always joked that since we started off with such a small space we could only get bigger from there. Well, we were wrong, but it’s turned out to be just fine. Home for us right now is a room in the hospital, with a blow up bed, our suitcases as our clothes drawers, and shelves as our pantry…and for right now it works. Half the time it feels like a mansion and I feel utterly spoiled when I remember the thousands of other people here living in tents. I don’t think I always “get it” but I think I am reminded more and more to be thankful for all that we do have.

Perks about living 40 feet from the office:

1. We don’t have to fight the crazy traffic to get to work

2. We can almost literally roll out of bed and be here.

3. We have a good grasp for what is happening on a daily basis

4. Even when we have to work late we can still be home in time for dinner

5. We sometimes get spaghetti and hard boiled eggs for breakfast

6. I can take a little nap during the middle of the day (Amy)

7. We are always available to help people

Cons about living 40 feet from the office:

1. We are always available to help people

2. People always know where to find us

3. We live at work (literally)

4. We can empathize with the patients better (because their screams wake us up at night).

See, the good outweighs the bad 7 to 4. So even though this is home and we are happy to be here, we are still looking forward to having our own space outside of the hospital.

We actually do get hot water to our shower. See the orange extension chord going up to the shower head? That heats up the water a few degrees. It works great, but sometimes its just nice to have a cold shower to help cool down.

Home Again!

2010-10-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

Finally, we have set up a blog! It’s only taken us about 4 months but here it is. Now where to start? So many things have happened that there is no way to go back and recapture all the events, but we’ll try to write some things from our first few months here every now and then.

So I was trying to figure out what to write about first. Of course there is always discussing all the damage from the earthquake, people in tents everywhere, staggering needs, overwhelming feelings and emotions, wondering how we can make a difference etc. but I won’t, at least not at this moment. That will come later.

We just got back from our first week long break since we moved here in June. It was glorious being able to drive on a regular road, eat at Taco Bell as soon as we landed, and relax with family. Anyway, the week went by way too quick and I was having mixed emotions as we packed up to return. Even though it was such a blessing to take a break, it seemed like half the time we were thinking about Haiti and all that we needed to do when we got back. But at the same time, once it was time to leave I suddenly wasn’t sure that I was ready to come back. It seemed daunting and overwhelming. I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to come back. So during the whole flight over I was just a bit unsure of everything, that is until we landed.

As soon as those wheels touched the ground, my anxiety vanished. I was ready to be back even though we don’t have all the answers to solve 1/8^th of the problems. I was genuinely excited to see our trusty driver, Richard, meet us at the airport. When we drove up to the hospital I was surprised that I was relieved to be back and semi-ready for the commotion and hub-bub as soon as we opened the car door. But what was even more surprising to me was when I walked up those hospital stairs, into our hospital room makeshift house, for some ODD reason it just felt right. I was home and I knew that this is where we are supposed to be right now!

God certainly does have a plan and even though we don’t always know what we are doing or why we may be here, He does and He has helped us this far and I know He will continue to lead in the future.

-Amy-